Believe me, I know what you’re feeling!

In a heartbeat, I can summon up that old familiar sense of dread that turns the heart into a jackhammer. For example, one time when I walked into a gross anatomy lab, I knew it was the day my attending doctor (who was my supervisor) was going to hit me with a barrage of questions.

Borrowing the grief in advance of the dreaded experience, I began perspiring. Soon I felt dizzy and my heart was racing. And, then I learned to pick apart the panic attack, step by step. In analyzing the situation, I remembered that I had been obsessing even before I arrived about my knowledge compared to that of my peers, who often seemed to know more. I pounded myself with negative self-talk:  ”They study more and are better informed on the material we’re supposed to know. I know I’ll be humiliated today because I won’t know the answers. I am such a misfit because all the others know exactly what they want. The doctor evaluating me will notice that I am ill-prepared and will judge me.”

In retrospect, studying the negative thoughts, I saw why I felt so anxious. I went from feeling bad to feeling worse. And I was the one brewing up the awful thoughts - not anyone else! In fact, I never once experienced ridicule at the hand of an instructor. However, I was plagued by the belief (and panicky feeling) that soon, it was going to happen. It was, in fact, long overdue.

A helpful technique when a recurring situation makes you anxious is scrutinizing the entire chain of thoughts. Try to figure out what caused the low, worrisome mood. Write down how you felt and what stirred that feeling. Eventually, this insight will help you understand what sets off your bouts of anxiety, making you better able to cope.

What I found was that the very thoughts that seemed to make sense in my head looked totally ridiculous and illogical on paper. Having pinpointed my distorted thoughts, I was able to move them into my consciousness. There, I could work on altering them. Monitoring self-talk soon became a habit. I increased my self-confidence by practicing positive mantras that said, “So what if someone knows more than I do, and so what if I answer a question wrong?” Look at the blackest possible outcome of any situation, and generally, you’ll find that it is something you CAN deal with. It may not be what you would like to have happen, but it’s not the apocalypse, either.

Consider the possibility that your colleagues are also afraid, poorly prepared, or unfocused. Remind yourself that the formidable world- against-you theory is not an accurate perception. Just like you, the smartest kid in your class or coworker at your job has off days when he or she fails to perform at his best - and that’s all right. No one should expect to be a prime performer every single moment of every day - it’s a false and overly demanding expectation. (By the way, avoid the cliched practice of telling your child daily “do your best,” because it sends the message that you expect him to be peak performing all the time, and he can only fall short of that expectation. Far better to tell him to enjoy his day.) Of course, it’s fine to encourage your child to do well, but you don’t want him to think that he has to be operating at 100 percent all of the time. Being at the top of her game consistently simply won’t happen, and he may worry about disappointing you.

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