I have suffered with Generalized Anxiety Disorder for a number of years, during this time my weight has plummeted and ballooned and I have found it very hard to maintain a good weight. Prior to Generalized Anxiety Disorder sticking its big nose into my happy and carefree life I was a good weight, fit and healthy. I was a UK10-12, I swam and ran and loved my food. I knew I was prone to putting on weight so would keep a check on my diet and weight and make the changes that were needed.

When anxiety and panic first hit I stopped eating and drank nothing more than a little water. I was often sick in the morning and if I tried to eat was gagging on food. My weight dropped but because I wasn’t skinny to start with it was not considered a problem, except by my hubby who was terrified by how little I was eating. For me what was a problem was that I had no energy, I stopped running and my children were noticing I never ate. I permanently had the shakes which my daughter was fascinated by and still remembers. It was at this time that I was first prescribed anti-depressants.

After the first week on them my appetite came back with a vengeance. I could not stop eating and not good healthy food either, I craved cakes, chocolate and burgers, all high sugar, high carb bad, bad food. I was eating again, that’s all that mattered. The weight piled back on and then some. I kept telling myself I would start being careful tomorrow then I stopped thinking about it altogether. My Doctor had described my medication as “nonchalance pills” and he was right. It just did not matter to me, I was feeling OK and I didn’t have thoughts of getting on the scales. I am grateful, in hindsight, that I did not have this attitude to the kids diet, I managed to maintain a healthy diet that they had always had.

I’m not sure when it hit me or why it suddenly mattered but one day I saw how big I had become, I got on the scales and I was 2 stone heavier. I decided to come off the anti-depressants. I just stopped taking them. Low and behold a few weeks later the anxiety was making my life a misery but this time no sudden weight loss, I was still eating anything that I could get my hands on. I was back at the Doctors being prescribed a different type of anti-depressant and also counselling. Another stone and a half went on this time and I did not feel the benefits of the anti-depressants. I managed to get myself running again but I always lacked energy and spent a lot of time beating myself up about my weight, my diet and how my running had slowed so much - was it any wonder, I was carrying an extra 3 stone!!

I came off that medication with Doctor supervision and with the help of CBT began to feel better, I lost a little weight, felt more in control and began to get my running up to where it had once been. Then there was trouble at work, I had no way of coping, no reserves left, I was highly sensitized to the anxiety I was feeling and panic set in. This time I refused medication, I was more concerned with my weight than anything else - by this time I was a UK 16, the biggest I had ever been. I joined a weight loss programme and began to eat more healthily. I was back to eating five a day and cut right back on sweet snacks. I have a sweet tooth and never want to completely deprive myself of the food I love, but moderation has very much made a welcome return to my life.

As I began to get better I realised that diet is linked into the feelings of exhaustion and self loathing that I had been living with. If you eat rubbish food you feel rubbish, with a good healthy diet and treats as just that, a treat, you feel less tired. It can be hard work at first, you have to make a real effort to get cooking and get moving. I stopped giving myself a hard time about running. I’ll run when I feel like it, I don’t force myself out of bed at 6am to run for an hour anymore. I walk the children to school everyday and I go for a jog when I feel like it. My diet, my health and my attitude improved together and I truly believe that they are all linked together and part of the road to recovery from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

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